Doug Kelly for President
As a candidate for President of the United States on the
RepubliCrat ticket, Doug Kelly, who recently was described
by Eccentric Magazine as “an extreme moderate,” offers the
following platform:
* NATIONAL DEBT: “I will reduce the twenty-two-trillion-
dollar ($22,000,000,000,000) national debt by eliminating all 12 zeroes. After all, if a zero is nothing, who will miss
nothing? The national debt thus will be reduced to a
manageable twenty-two dollars, which I might pay off
myself.”
* RUNNING MATE: “I’ve got a secret deal in the making
involving either Oprah Winfrey or Britney Spears.”
* EDUCATION: “Everyone will have to earn a degree. It’s
done wonders for me ever since I received my Kindergarten
equivalency diploma several years ago, and now I probably
have a gooder job than you.”
* ECONOMY: “As a thousandaire with a net worth in the
upper two figures, I will lead America to unparalleled growth
and prosperity.”
* DEDICATION: “I shall wage a full-time campaign until April
Fools Day is over. After that, I’ll resume taking my
medications.”
A paid nonpolitical ad, authorized by Doug Kelly and not approved by his treasurer, who recently fled to Bolivia.
Comments (0)
This is brilliantly hilarious! Thank you for the belly laugh! I needed it today!